July 11, 2000
9:45 pm
Right now I'm feeling: Tired!

Right now I'm listening to: Cocco

Cocco: Polomerria

Kickass link of the day:
"The Kiss Off Quiz". What does it say about you? It told me this, (but I think it tells this to everyone.. the creator's own version of "Project Mayhem"):

"You should definitely quit your job. You're using your job as an excuse not to do what you are really meant to. Obviously, who you are and what you do are solidly connected in your mind. Chances are your very spirit is entrepreneurial, or you have a deep- seeded disrespect for all authority, or you have to do something that is eating at you for your neglect it. Quit already. Go, start your own company, write the novel, paint the picture. People like you, at your stage of life really shouldn't be working for anyone else."

I don't have issues about Japan or my job... what would possibly make you think that?? :)


Usually, I won't write about my nightmares, other than mentioning I had some the previous night, but one of last night's nightmares was unusually fucked up with a lot of bizarre imagery and details... maybe I should start keeping a dream journal! I only remember two of my nightmares from last night. This one occurred between just before 7:15 am this morning.

It opened up as the "Test Dream". I hate that dream. When I am sixty years old and my college days are forty years gone, I'm sure I'll still be having the fucking "Test Dream".

I was walking towards a high-school gymnasium where I would be taking an important college physics test. Outside the gymnasium was a large statue of my college mascot, the anteater (can you believe that shit? The founders picked an anteater… they should be found and shot).

An old college friend and I walked into the gymnasium, but inside, the gym was just the size of a small college classroom, it held about 40 students. The professor stood in front of the class and gave the instructions. It was my most hated professor from my college days… the one who hated me because I was a philosophy major. He passed out the test.. the test was printed on papyrus.

We took the test and it was relatively easy. I remember it taking a long time, though. We walked outside, hung around, and complained about how badly each of us did. We walked back in after a while and the professor had all the tests corrected. When he handed my paper back with a scowl, it had a small "97%" written across the top, but all the problems were marked wrong. He said that everyone who failed had to get out, but I didn't get out at first. Then he shouted at me to get out (that fucker), so I left along with a buddy of mine. I felt so terrible, all the more so because I thought I'd really nailed that test. (Who hasn't had that feeling, eh?) That sick, naseous feeling sat in my stomach and I wondered what I would do.

After we left the classroom every thing changed. The friend I had been talking to suddenly vanished. The gym was gone and the building I had just come out of was the familiar small trailer in which some of my physics classes were held. I saw the statue of the anteater had been replaced by a metal sculpture of a large eagle. There was a ring of blue fire around the sculpture. There was a long field of flowers lying out in front of the classroom with a robed Buddhist monk sitting, his back facing me, in the field.

I walked toward him and then around to face him. I saw the plate in his lap first. It looked clear, like glass or something. On it was two eyeballs with nerve tendrils still attached. Fresh blood pooled on the plate. I looked at his face and stumbled back. Where his eyes should have been were two gaping holes. He held up the plate to me, blood dripping off of the plate and his fingers, and smiled. At this point I started to have trouble breathing (also a common theme in my dreams). He started to laugh, but no sound came out of his mouth, or maybe I just couldn't hear it, I'm not sure.. when I suffocate in my dreams my vision blurs and blackens and sounds come through all muffled. I saw purple and black spots and fought hard to breath, but it was no use. I fell to the ground and he laughed harder; that horrible, soundless laugh. I lost consciousness and woke up slowly, my entire body aching. I was so stiff, just like I am after I come to from sleep paralysis (which I also have occasionally).

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